


Thursday Night.

by LiesToFeed



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward, Comic Book Shop AU, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Oops, PTSD, Panic Attack, Pining, SO THIS GOT REALLY FLUFFY??, Sex Dream, cute snowballfight shit, its kind of sad but i promise it's just one small part, nerds, super minor pet death?, that might be a thing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2463308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiesToFeed/pseuds/LiesToFeed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is an eccentric comic book shop owner. He is a little awkward and wears glasses that are bigger than his face, making his eyes comically large. His shop is his life, his grumpy cat is his closest friend, and he absolutely hates a very frequent customer.</p><p>Bucky is a mysterious recovering veteran who finds refuge in a nearby shop after his VA meetings. But when he starts having feelings for the clerk, things get weird. It's not that the comics disinterest him but this dorky blonde who wears sweater vests and tight jeans takes up most of his attention when he's trying to look at books.<br/>The tale of awkward flirtations and hairballs, title pending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lousy Nicknames

**Author's Note:**

> Wow okay so this work is kind of a little bit based on my fantasy life.

Who this guy was to begin with, was a question that was starting to cross his mind. He stomps into his shop every Thursday, his clunky and muddy doc marten's leaving trails across the store. He would come in reeking of pot, stale cigarettes, and a disgustingly delicious smelling cologne that coats the entire store. It's always when the street lights start flicking on and the sun starts getting hazy in the background. 

It wasn't just that he was unnecessarily beautiful, for no real reason, but he would buy nothing after walking around for an hour. Every, fucking, thursday. Sometimes he comes rushing in like he ran there, just seconds before his latest record of 6:35 PM. He would push his long and stringy brown hair back and nearly jog to his wall of comics. Other days he would stroll in with sunglasses shielding his eyes and a lollipop stick laying limply on his lips. 

When Steve would greet him, he would just wave and practically prowl to the comics. Sometimes he flips through a book or two but most of the time, he just stared at the covers. His gaze was always distant and observing, as if he were trying to guess the entire story of the book with just looking at the cover. God, Steve hated it so much. Hated how he would sometimes pull his bottom lip into his mouth and chew without mercy. The other thing he hated was when he would start flipping through their back issues, all bagged and boarded to maintain their pressed, clean edges. Cause his fingers, which were unusually deft for how clunky everything else was on him, would skip across the plastic and his wrists would peek out from his flannel plaid shirt. 

Then, just when Steve would occupy himself with some busy work for the last few minutes, he would silently leave. The only way Steve ever actually realized when he left was when the door chime went off and the store was quiet again. Seriously, screw that guy. He would piss Steve off every time, to the point where he would wait for him to get to the store just so he send glares at him. Either they were never picked up or he just ignored them, continuing on with his weird ritual. 

That was until one Thursday, a particularly bad Thursday where his car refused to start up in the bitter Winter chill, he just was not in a good mood at all. The coffee machine broke before he could get even a half a cup and he accidently deleted an entire folder worth of documents for his files. It was a horrible Thursday and here comes this guy. He sauntered into the store like he didn't have a care of the world on his perfectly squared shoulders, making Steve nearly smash his hands against the desk counter. 

"Hi. Welcome to Marvel's Comics and Cards." Steve grumbled and, as usual, the man just waved and curved to the wall. The blonde just stared at him at disbelief at his complete obliviousness to his completely open anger. After about fifteen minutes of re-strategizing, he moved to leave his desk to walk up to the guy,

"Is there anything you need help with?" Steve attempted with not sounding bitter but it sounded deaf to even his own ears. 

The guy looked over at him with complete confusion, his stormy gray eyes wide and surprised. After an awkward moment of silence the man just shook his head and mumbled a no.

"Are you sure? Just.. because, well, you come here every Thursday and just look at stuff. I can help you choose titles if you need. Just... choose something." Steve blurted out, finally, as if the words wouldn't settle on his chest anymore. They felt thick in the store, which was suddenly much quieter than it was before, a hanging question that begged an answer.

"Uh... Emerald Arrow... Do you have that?" He croaked out, trying to adept to the situation. Now that Steve has a closer look at him, he hates him even more. His beard was well maintained and close to his face, setting his dark eyes with a perfect frame. Today his hair was down and poking in every sort direction, silver ear cuff shining through the stringy strands. 

Steve just stared at him and nodded, taking just a couple steps back and pointing to the title. It was practically in the middle of the wall, on the middle rack. It was actually the first book in his line of vision from his route in the store, probably why he even suggested the book.

He looked at the comic and then back at Steve. Then the guy, the fucking dork he was, pointed at the book and snorted out an embarrassed noise through his nose, "There it is. Yeah." He scratched the back of his neck while leaning against a counter of statues to his left, seeming to curl into himself a bit. Steve just squinted at him past the thick lenses of his glasses, nodding and only moving away from his spot when the guy tried reaching for the book from his stationary spot.

It was so awkward that Steve actually started blushing. Just looking at the guy, it was obvious that he was embarrassed from being caught with his shitty window shopping, but also being called out on it. 

"I'll just.. get... this than." Steve watched him curl the book to fit in his palm, making a little paper tube. 

He hated him so much. Please leave.

Steve nodded and practically stalked to his register, waiting for him to follow. After a moment of him just standing completely still, he seemed to pick up on what was going on and went to the counter. Steve rung up the comic book, staring back at him just as blankly as he was at him. The transaction was stiff and monotonic, completely unlike him when he stared at the walls of comics. When he was given the credit card, he stole the quickest glance he could at his name and clung onto it throughout the rest of the night.

Because now this fuckwad had a name, and it was shitty. His name was James, it was plain and simple. James B. Barnes. Steve could not stop thinking about it. Even when he counted out his register and filed his receipts, he thought about it. He thought about how plain James was so he would definitely have a nickname. What were some nicknames, Steve thought. There was Jim. And Jimmy. Jazzing it up with JimBo. Or just sticking with the simple 'J' nickname. But then there was a middle name, one that he thought it was important enough to put on his credit card. It was the letter 'B', he remember clearly. B could stand for a lot of things, mainly names of European descent from the foremost name James. Butler, Bishop, Bowman, Birman, Brian, Bates, even more possibilities. Which would mean that the name that he went by was either James, a middle name reference, or his last name 'Barnes'.

He was over thinking this, as he paid the bus driver his fee to get home. But when he got home to stepping into a sloshy hairball, his computer humming dis-satisfyingly from staying on all day, and burning his left over pot of stew, James, or a middle name reference, or his last name 'Barnes' was the last thing he was thinking of. As was the rest of the week when he was swamped in bills, shipping fees, and instant noodle dinners. Icarus, his cat, would coldly ignore Steve when the sun was up and strips of sunlight lit up his floors then desperately cuddle when Steve was trying to get comfortable on his bed. He would try to paint when he had off time from the shop to his school work. Sometimes they were big and colorful, with paint staining his hands and the smell of paint thinner a little on the heavy side. Other times it was small watercolors that he did when it was raining out, in his attic while looking out the small circle window all lonely like. 

It was hard living alone but that was what he had to do. This house was the last thing he had from his mother after she passed away while he was in college. Everything else was pawned and auctioned off to pay the remaining hospital bills. But it was still warm with the memories of his childhood and his mother. Icarus was an unexpected addition when he turned up on his back porch with one baby kitten shivering next to her. Steve couldn't tell if it was the only kitten born or if there were others, but Icarus was protective and motherly to it. 

But no matter how hard he tried, the kitten was just too sick too young. But the experience was life changing, in a lot of ways. Icarus was miserable for a couple of months, distant from Steve but lingered in the house as if she owned it herself. But after a while, the feline started sleeping in his bed with him or licking her paws while sitting on his lap. She was his closest companion, a friend that surpassed great hardship and emotional distress but is better now. 

In a lot of ways, he related to her better than any other human being he's ever met.

x

Somehow, despite the ruckus from last week, this time he completely forgot about him. It was while he was sorting through a shipment of back orders that he heard a slap of comics on the counter across from him. He looked up and saw him, hands tucked into his pockets and standing with a bit of a slouch today. Steve looked at the clock beyond his head and saw that it was already 7:00pm, his closing time. He looked back down at him and moved to start ringing him out.

"What's your name?" Steve asked while pushing the books into plastic bags as he got his wallet out.

"What?" He asked, looking up at Steve with a practiced blank expression. It looked just a bit too tight to be casual, as if he had tried this look out in a mirror beforehand. 

"Your name." Steve rested his hands on the counter and waited, looking at the customer with a dry expression.

There was a beat of silence, just the hum of cars passing in the background when he answered,  
"James. But Bucky is fine."

x

Bucky. 

Bucky was his name.

Bucky, a name that was absolutely ridiculous, was his name. It was old fashioned but rusty, like a worn down pickup truck from the 50's. It explained so much when he really thought about it, just how much it fit him like a glove. The guy that sometimes looked like he was trying to fit into an episode of Sons Of Anarchy and other times like he was a beach-dried hipster. How easy it was for him to go from one look to another, just like an old fashioned pickup truck. 

Bucky was such a lousy name, Steve thought while he scrubbed at plates. 

x

'Bucky' was late. It was 6:45pm, the lastest it's ever been, and Steve is trying to play at nonchalance. His foot was unsteady under his desk, switching between two different tabs on his computer and reading the same paragraphs over and over. When he was about to give up, he practically stumbled in. 'Bucky' looked exhausted, for one. There were heavy bags under his eyes and his skin looked clammy. 'Bucky' sniffled and did his routine, all while Steve stared. When he came to the counter with one Emerald Arrow and one NegaMan, he sniffled and rubbed at his damp red nose.

"Are you sick?" Steve asked with a twisted expression. If this man was infected with something, something was contagious within a five feet radius, he was fucked. Super, royally fucked. Since his immune system was horribly insufficient this time of year and he worked alone, that would be a horrible thing to go through. 

"Yeah..." Bucky croaked out with a nasally sound, his lungs wheezing a little with each breath. His scarf was wrapped completely around his neck, even coming up past to his chin in thick black and red plaid. 

"Did you wash your hands?" Steve couldn't help but say out loud, staring at his gloved palms.

"No..?" He rumbled out while reaching over to give him his credit card.

Steve stared at the piece of plastic critically before looking back up at Bucky.

"Next time, call ahead and I'll put your books aside if you're sick." Steve grumbled while swiping the card and ending the transaction, "Pick them up when you're not infecting things."

Bucky watched Steve for a moment before nodding and taking his books. Since he only saw his eyes, he couldn't really tell what he was thinking but he knows he saw edges of pink on the top of his cheeks. Steve just squinted at him and waved when he started his way out.

But before his body was actually out the door, just one foot left inside, he stopped and mumbled, "Sorry I was late." It was almost completely lost in the layers of scarf. If he wasn't paying attention to him like he usually did, he was sure he would have missed it. But before Steve could say anything, he left to leave the blonde in silence, pushing through the door hastily. 

How disgusting.


	2. Disregarded Orange Peels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SO do you wanna beta for this let me know [here](http://www.abuckyblowupdoll.tumblr.com).

“You just need to try to let go of the fears and anxieties that hold you back, let go and you’ll realize that the world is a lot brighter than you previously thought.”

 

This meeting ended with the usual closing piece of advice, one that wrapped up the entire seminar in a neat bow. Bucky tried not to sit with his back completely straight in the chair, instead practicing at his relaxed slouch. Now that he no longer had any generals screaming down his throat to sit with his back straight, he’s being a bit rebellious. The words his therapist said last Tuesday rung through his brain, telling him  
‘It’s okay to want to do your own things you didn’t get to do while in service. Those are the things that define you, the things you missed most when they were taken away. You said you missed ice cream, right? Have some tonight after your dinner. Try sleeping in for an extra fifteen minutes. Do things that you weren’t able to before, so you can rediscover yourself.’

Rediscover himself. The one consistent thing that everyone tells him when he tries to talk about his jumbled up brain. Rediscover himself so that he can figure out what makes him happy again. But that’s a lot easier said than done, when he wants to stay in his comfort zone of waking up before the sun and eating quickly cause that might be his only chance. 

Which might be why he’s so attached to his Thursday nights. 

Thursday nights made sense. They were simple and easy. After his meeting in the building for Veteran’s Affair (which still took time for him to accept, that he was a veteran. The title felt so formal and like it was only meant for soldier of the Vietnam War or World War II. Those were veterans, not some kid who nearly got half his arm fucked up from an IED that he clumsily missed not even half way through his second tour.), Bucky would get a sandwich at the diner across the street (turkey club with a diet coke) and go to the comic book store. 

Yeah, the comic book store. Bucky has no idea how it started, really. Just one day, while he was walking back to his apartment, he saw the bright red sign on his way. Marvel’s Comics and Cards was a small store that was tucked in the corner of a shopping strip, sandwiched between a Macy’s and a craft store. It was dark and cozy inside, with the smell of paper lingering in the air. There were all kind of colors dabbled around, starting with the posters on the walls to the cardboard lifesize cutout of Negaman in the back. Sometimes a light or two flickered and made Bucky nervous but other than that, it was the most tranquil place he could go to after a messy VA meeting. 

But if Bucky was being honest, half the reason he comes anymore is because of the clerk at the counter. Sure the outlandish and creative storylines of BirdWoman, Lady NightStar and RushMan were captivating but nothing compared to the clerk. 

Firstly, his hair was always immaculate. It swept perfect across his forehead, laying almost effortlessly and not a strand out of place. There were streaks of blonde mixed in with the mousy brown tones, the highlights catching in whatever sunlight peered through the windows. It looked soft and clean, like a fresh Sunday morning. Next was his slight figure, compact and tight. His shoulders were small and a little hunched in, his fingers long and thin. Bucky didn’t realize just how amazing the clerk was until a couple of visits in, when he got the courage to actually look at him. 

The clerk was usually staring off into space, waiting for time to pass, when Bucky stumbled in. Sometimes he was going through papers feverously, other times he was clicking around on his cell phone. But Bucky would always just stand in the store with him, just quietly appreciating being with someone. Even if they didn’t know each other or if his time there was brief. Just being in his presence felt like a fresh breath of air, even on particularly bad days. Days where his subconscious told him that he was a failure for not finishing his job in the military, a fuck up for having a bum arm that barely obeyed him anymore, and that he should just sit in his dark apartment since there wasn’t a point in much else. 

But when one day, he came up to him and asked if he needed help, it threw Bucky so off his tracks that his brain just stopped. This wasn’t how things usually went, not at all. Bucky would come in, peruse through the wall of comics then leave. Not interact with the clerk, never interact with him. The blonde didn’t need to talk to a depressing sob story like him. 

When he left the store with his wallet four dollars and twenty five cents lighter and the plastic bag dangling from his wrist, he stared at the parking lot infront of him before stumbling back home. 

x

His left arm ached and was starting to twitch every now and then. It was annoying, especially when he couldn’t lift it all the way up or hold pencils steady, but he was still thankful to have it all in one piece. Thankfully the field medics on the day of his accident were wise enough to keep his arm completely still when he had nearly blown it clean off during a simple scouting mission. There was one medic, he had a calm voice and a relaxing aura even as Bucky screamed from not being able to move his fingers. His name was C. Barton, he remember it exactly. He wore his military issued cap over short blond hair, deft and steady fingers working quickly to secure him on a gurney in their humvee to get back to camp. He kept talking to him the entire time, giving him a beacon to focus on. He talked about how his mother would be ashamed at how much he was yelling right now, how his shirt would need to get replaced, just a constant stream of words for him to cling on to. 

It was as if he crawled into his head and made some of the noise and worry quiet. He never got to thank him for that, since he was immediately sent back into the field to handle the rest of the injured soldiers. But he remembered wanting to cry and thank him, dreaming still of his voice. Whenever things got rough in his head, he would think of his soothing tone. When he found out that he had been honorably discharged for losing his hearing on the field, he wanted to vomit. How could someone who was so kind and selfless get that in return for his time helping people stay alive in the face of doubt.

When Bucky scrounged up the courage to find out which hospital Barton was at, he convinced himself that this was a good opportunity to tell him how much he had affected his life. Especially since the hospital he was located in was pretty close to him. He sat through the grueling experience of the shitty transit system and arrived at the hospital just as the sun was starting to settle in the horizon. It was cold and breezy, more than usual for early Fall. He trudged into the hospital and was given a visitor pass to the room.

When Bucky got there, it was quiet and empty of other visitors. There weren’t any signed get well cards on the tables or flowers to brighten up the room like shown on the TV shows, just empty tables with empty jello cups and a oranges peels. Barton was sitting up on the bed and looking out the window, his hearing aid looking clunky next to his ear. When Bucky walked in and cleared his throat, Barton turned to look at him.

“Hi… you probably don’t remember me…” 

This continued for a while. Barton was getting used to his hearing aids, also healing from a few fractured ribs and a hairline fracture in his ankle. Bucky would visit the hospital with treats and books for Clint. Sometimes Clint was distant and frustrated with his hearing aid, refusing to put it on. He would sit there and stare out the window almost wistfully, as if the clouds in the sky would give him back his hearing and his future. Those days were frustrating, since Bucky just desperately wanted to make things better for him but couldn’t find a way. Other days were great, when Clint would tell shitty puns and jokes until Bucky was laughing so hard he would have to wipe away tears. 

In the end, when Clint was finally able to leave the hospital, they exchanged email addresses and phone numbers so that they can continue being fuck ups together.

“Don’t get distant on me, Barnes. I found an apartment in the city with the Veterans Aid program, so there is no reason for you not to keep giving me headaches.” Clint said while lightly punching Bucky’s arm, the good one.

“Not a snowball’s chance, Barton.” Bucky promised, nodding him goodbye when Clint slid into the taxi to get to the new apartment. His new friend was a little weird and took some time to get past the ice, but in the end, he was an alright guy.

x

This cold could not have come at a more inconvenient time. It was his first time with a sickness in a long time and he didn’t know what to do. If it weren’t for Clint who told him to bundle up real good if he plans to leave the apartment and to inhale Vick’s cold medicine like water, he would probably be sweating on his lumpy couch as he coughed his throat out. He also was asked to speak at the VA meeting that night, help some new people out. At first he was hesitant but agreed after Sam, the volunteer there, convinced him that it would feel good in the end. 

But when he was done talking for two hours and noticed the clock read 6:30 PM, he rushed out to get to the store. When he got there his nose was running onto his scarf and his head was pounding, his hands were clammy under his gloves and the dry heat in the store made him start coughing. He could feel the clerk’s anxious eyes on him while he picked out his books, a feeling he had grown used to while in the store. But distantly, he noticed how he relaxed in his desk chair and let out a huffed breath to himself, as if he was relieved about something. When he plopped the books down on the counter and tried to sniffle quietly while getting his credit card, he was interrupted by him,

“Are you sick?” He asked, with his face pinched. Bucky stared at him for a moment, trying to get a read on him. He was bundled up in an oversized cable knit sweater, his thin chicken legs sticking out in fitted black jeans. His glasses had smudges on them that looked like they were hastily wiped, as if he got distracted while doing it. 

“Yeah…” Bucky embarrassedly let out, shuffling in his spot a little.

While the clerk started ringing up his things, he held his credit card out for him. The look he received was critical and squinty, as if he was trying to figure something out.

“Did you wash your hands?” The question made sense, since Bucky was currently standing in his own sweat and snot that was conveniently hidden under his scarf. But it still threw him off. And when he looked over at the clerk, he looked just as bewildered at his own question. So just as confusedly, he replied,

“No..?”

There was a pause before he took the card and finished things up, looking back at him through his long lashes and glasses,

“Next time, call ahead and I'll put your books aside if you're sick. Pick them up when you're not infecting things." His voice was a little pointed but felt warm, making Bucky blush under his scarf. It felt as though he realized just how miserable Bucky was at the moment and wanted to make things easier on him, in some weird way. 

It was adorable. And it made him rethink things a little.

So, in a daring move, before he left the store, he apologized for making him wait. 

Cause he was starting to think that this Thursday night ritual wasn’t exclusive to himself.


	3. Squawking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I didn't even beta this I just wanted to put SOMETHING out. I was away so busy with things please don't hate me next thursday i promise it will be an update.  
> i already have it in the works.

“Beyond Man is literally supposed to be the exact opposite of Nega Man, in every way. He is more gritty and a romantic heart throb compared to Nega Man’s compassionate optimism. That’s why Nega married Sandra Sanders during the Last Call arc, ‘cause he saw hope in humanity despite the blue-hate virus!” Steve has been having this argument for what felt like a half hour now with some regular. He thinks his name is Bruce? He can’t really remember. But he always comes in wearing a labcoat, and Steve can never tell if it’s because of his profession or because he’s just weird.

“Beyond Man has hope for humanity, that’s why he saved the President in issue one-thirtyseven.” Bruce countered while flipping through the latest issue of Raccoon-Lad. 

“That writer was trash and you know it, he totally misconstructed Beyond Man. He even made his cape white! What asshole wears a white cape?” Steve huffed while moving to plop back on his desk chair, “Plus, didn’t he leave that girl… Kate… Carters! Kate Carters, didn’t he leave her to die in the hand of The Laughing Man, even after she confessed her love for him?”

This was normal, Bruce coming in to complain about the latest issue of Beyond Man, the dark and mysterious meta-human that was from a whole different universe. For some reason, Bruce absolutely hated the series but he still bought the ongoing comic every month. Along with a few other random titles. And for some reason, Bruce is convinced that Beyond Man is a more politically correct comic compared to Nega-Man, which was a goody two shoes who made a deal with a devil for powers from an alternate dimension called the Negative Source. And sure, while Nega-Man may work with demons and devils, he still had an immaculate moral compass. So Bruce was wrong. 

When Steve was going to tack on his other reasonings for his very valid point, Bucky strolled in. Which, was normal for Thursday. Abnormal cause it was not even two in the afternoon. Making him over five hours earlier than usual. 

“Hi.. Bucky?” Steve tested the name on his lips, still trying to get used to knowing the customer’s name. 

Bucky stopped in his tracks, halfway to the wall, to look at Steve. Then the weirdest thing happened, absolutely baffling. He would continue to think about it almost a week later, resulting accidentally burning his grilled cheese and over-filling Icarus’ food bowl since he was so lost in thought about it. 

Bucky smiled. It wasn’t even a shy smile, or one that felt like it was forced, like usual. It looked like a real smile that was honest and bright. His eyes wrinkled at the corners, his scruff folding into itself a little and some of his teeth peeked through. It was absolutely stunning. 

“Hi. Nice day, right?” Bucky asked, in completely uncharacteristic excitement. 

“Yeah…” Steve answered back dumbly, still a bit bewildered at him. He could feel Bruce’s eyes on him, flickering between the two.

“Nice clouds out. Even a little warm.” Bucky shrugged then continued his path to the wall, a bit of a spring in his step. 

Steve stared at him before averting his attention to Bruce again, who looked amused. He was trying to hide his smile in the lapels of his coat, straightening out his stack of books before giving it to Steve.

“New friend?” Bruce asked in a hushed tone, his amused grin still stretched across his face.

Steve just shrugged while finishing up his books. He was just so thrown off right now, completely off kilter. His head was running through every possible scenario that could lead to this. Maybe his afternoon plans got cancelled but that couldn’t be since they had to be reliable enough to be consistent for the entire time he’s known him. So it had to be something more important. It can’t be bad news, given his… cheery demeanor. 

It was his birthday. It was totally his birthday, who else would ditch consistent plans and be in a good mood for seemingly no reason. Steve can’t really tell why this news was so important to him, handing the plastic bag of books to Bruce and waving goodbye, it was just so nice to know. 

It was really, really weird. 

When Bucky came to the counter with his biggest stack of comics yet, he was grinning and folding his arms on the surface to lean against it. Today he looked like he put of an effort than usual into his appearance. His hair was neatly tied back, just a few strands dangling over his forehead. His black turtleneck looked clean and cozy under his red plaid flannel, jeans a dark gray wash and clinging to his legs beautifully. Not that Steve was looking.

That’s just absurd. This was his customer. 

When Steve looked back up at him, there was an amused glint in his eyes. 

“So you know my name. What’s yours?” Bucky asked, tucking his bottom lip into his mouth. The skin looked red and puffy already, like he had been chewing on it before. 

Steve looked up at Bucky from the top of his glasses, still bewildered from the charming aura he was giving off, “Steve.” 

“Steve.” Bucky echoed, leaning forward on his elbows, “How come it took me this long to learn that?” 

Steve stopped what he was doing to look up at him, squinting through his glasses. His grin was relaxed and easygoing, his stance slouched onto the counter but exaggerated his ridiculously beautiful shoulders. They looked like they were sturdy enough for Steve to sit-

“I don’t know.” The blonde admitted, interrupting his own train of thought while pushing up his glasses and continuing to count the books in his hands. It got a little quiet after that, Bucky just watching Steve the entire time.

“I have another question.” Bucky mused out loud, tilting his head and his body moving as if he were shaking his foot. 

“I don’t know, that’d be two in one day,” Steve looked up at him and shrugged, “That exceeds your usual allowance of zero to one a day.” 

Bucky grinned, “That’s cute.” He said dryly, his tone sarcastic, “Well, if you’re done sassing me, when does the Frost Soldier ongoing debut?”

“Next Wednesday.” Steve said automatically, the title highly anticipated and had been asked the question about three times already. 

“Are you going to pick it up?” Bucky asked curiously. 

Steve tilted his head and thought for a moment. It wasn’t really a title that he was really looking forward to but it looked like Bucky was. And if Steve wanted to get along with the not-at-all cute customer, who was he to blame?

“You know what, I wasn’t at first but I can be persuaded.” Steve squinted at Bucky and pushed his glasses up, “Isn’t the writer for Captain Cadaver doing it?”

Bucky smirked and nodded. For a couple of hours after that, they just talked. Bucky lingered and leaned against the counter, changing positions every now and then to get comfortable. They talked about the hype for Frost Soldier, the upcoming convention in New York, and even if it really was Bucky’s birthday or not.

“Why would you think it’s my birthday?” Bucky asked around the water bottle he bought while chatting.

Steve just shrugged and leaned forward on the counter. Bucky had moved to lean back against the soda fridge, “You just came in… such a good mood. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in this good of a mood.”

Bucky laughed, and for some reason Steve was reminded of a summer, when he was a lot younger, and he went to a sleep away camp once. There was a lake there, huge and crystal clear. To the point where you could see all the seaweed waving around in the bottom and could count each pebble on the bottom. It was framed in picturesque trees that looked larger than life. Their leaves were outlandishly green in the sunlight, casting emerald tinted shadows onto the lake and causes pleasantly cold patches. The sky was a dazzling shade of blue, soft looking clouds stretching across in skipped strips of white. When Steve first stepped in, it was warm and when he just floated while looking up at the clouds, there was such a calm that he nearly fell asleep in the water. If it wasn’t for the moment he accidently snorted in water through his nose and made him stand up in the waist high water, he probably would have. 

“Steve?” 

Steve snapped back into the present, his eyes wide and caught by surprise. For a moment, he actually forgot that Bucky was there. There was a weird moment where they just kind of watched each other before the brunette cleared his throat and looked at his watch,

“I should get going. I’ve bothered you for long enough.” 

Suddenly Steve’s tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he could only dumbly nod at him. Bucky watched him before shrugging and turning to leave, “Nice talking to you, Steve. See you next Thursday.” 

Steve just waved as he left. When he was alone again, he looked around and noticed that an issue of Aurora Woman was next to Z-Men, which was literally on the exact opposite side of the wall that she was supposed to be at. That was much easier to work with instead of the weird flashback he had and those relaxed smiles. 

x

“You’re in a good mood.” Clint signed to Bucky, picking up his chopsticks and going back at lo-mein with determination. 

Bucky looked up from his rice and tilted his head, smile stretching a bit, “You’re the second person to tell that to me.” He signed back, leaning back in the fold out chair. Clint’s apartment was small and lacked furniture right now, but it still felt more homey than his own place. The walls were a faded gray color, the only couch in the living room looked worn in but like it fit in with the atmosphere. Clint watched him for a moment before reaching over onto the island counter that is next to them for his hearing aid.

“What’s up?”

Bucky shrugged and stabbed his fork into the little hill of rice that was infront of him, his smiling still on his face. His cheeks were actually starting to hurt from how much he had been smiling today. 

“I don’t know. I woke up today and I realized, I didn’t feel like I needed to go to the VA. Like… you know how even those days where I don’t want to go to the VA, I always feel like I should and that I need to? That if I don’t, I’ll feel like all those memories and… thoughts… will come creeping back?” Bucky knew that Clint understood, because he is in the same boat that he was in. They were a little over a year into their friendship now, Bucky state side for a month over two years. Clint knew what he was talking about. So he just nodded and waited for Bucky to continue, “Well… I woke up and nothing happened. There was no drill sergeant calling me a maggot for sleeping in. No fear that there was a bomb ticking under my mattress. I didn’t even have to double check that all the windows weren’t breached during the night. Just… silence.” 

It felt so freeing. So impossibly good to wake up to silence. To hear just the hum of cars passing by outside, birds singing outside his window pleasantly and the drowned out volume of the TV in the apartment next door. He laid in bed for an extra hour, just stretching out his limbs with satisfying pops and tingling fingertips. The shower he took was a pleasant warm instead of the freezing cold he took to wake himself up, making his bathroom hazy and dreamlike. 

After spending a couple of hours just drifting around in his apartment, stuffing his face with waffles made from scratch and lounging with a book on his couch, he decided that he did enough lazying about. So Bucky slid into his comfy winter clothes, fed his small fishtank for the day and he started his journey to the comic book store. It was early, he knew that, but he figured why not. When he got the small shop, there was only one other person there, who didn’t stay very long. Bucky was used to this by now, people just always left wherever he went and made places just empty out when he walked in. 

But he didn’t care about that today. Because Steve was there, looking at him with those ridiculously enlarged eyes from the thick glasses, wearing an actual sweater vest. It wasn’t even a simple color, not at all, but a dark red and bright teal trim. It was absolutely ridiculous and it was only something that Steve could pull off. 

The entire time that Bucky managed to comfortably have a conversation with him, he felt as if everything else went on pause. He couldn’t even hear the cars outside anymore and all he could think about is how Steve would bounce on his toes when he got excited. Or how he would push his glasses up while looking away to secretly laugh at something. Or even how when the exact moment the clouds parted briefly to let just a small strip of light into the store and cast it into a fuzzy glow. It was not even a second long, just the smallest of illumination that just stuck with him. 

Bucky laughed into his lo-mein, suddenly realizing that Clint was still sitting with him and waiting for something to hook onto the end of his last thought. The TV buzzed behind them and the crows outside were still squawking repeatedly. The world seemed to resume itself again for him, jumping right back into the moment before he thought about the shop. The tenants upstairs were still shuffling around above them, the barking of dogs on balconies across from them and the soft hum of the airplanes passing through. Still smelled fresh from all the opened windows in the apartment but also a little uniquely like Clint. Felt nice, right in that moment, when he was just coming down from whatever cloud he was on. 

“I guess I just knew today would be a good day.”


	4. Rushed Russian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! There is going to be Russian in this chapter, all of the translations will be at the end.

That adorable sweater vest was now pushed up and bunched around Steve’s collarbone, showing off his flushed and abused chest, the skin taught and pale. The soft moans and mewls of desire were drawn out from his mouth, a constant stream of encouragement. Bucky’s mouth was curious and unforgiving, biting and sucking to leave marks all along that beautiful thin chest. His tongue would skim across his skin and leave trails of hot wet that cooled off quickly with each breath Bucky took. Under him, Steve squirmed and tightened his legs around Bucky’s waist, pulling him in closer so their middles were pressed close together.

“F-Fuck, Bucky…” Steve whimpered out at a particularly hard bite, making the brunette chuckle lowly and bite again.

“What’s wrong, Stevie? Like it when I put my mouth on you?” Bucky asked while he started traveling down to his navel. There, his tongue dipped in to tease Steve, receive a shocked gasp and hands in his hair that grip with surprising strength. 

“Yeah… Lower…” Bucky looked up at Steve and watched his flush face, glasses still on his face but tilted askew. Some people would take off their partner’s glasses before things got heated but there was no way in hell that Bucky would do that, not when Steve looked so cute with them on. 

“Demanding…” Bucky hummed while starting to unbutton the tight but pressed jeans. 

“Please…” Steve begged, his voice strained and whiney, arching off the floor when Bucky’s hands from uncomfortably close to his goal.

That was when he woke up. Just when the image of Steve’s jeans straining against his own hard cock, the sound of his whimpers and pleas, and the feeling of another body under him was freshest, that's when he woke up. The alarm next to him was shrilling loudly and there apparently was a banging on his door. Just a few days ago the sound would have made him jump out of his bed with his pocket knife drawn, but now it just put him at high alert, waiting to see how this unfolded.

“Просыпайся, James, you owe me egg sandwhiches!” 

James groaned and stared up at the ceiling, giving himself the last few moments he can get to gather himself from that dream. That wonderful dream of listening to Steve moan for him and bend under his touch,

“Do not make me come in there and drag you out myself.” 

After a quick glance down at his cock, which was standing at attention beneath the sheets, that was definitely not a good idea right now.

“How did you even get into my apartment, 'Talia? I know I changed the locks since you last broke in.” Bucky groaned out bitterly while turning off his alarm. Eight AM, sharp, as always.

He heard a scoff on the other side of his door, the room much quieter now that his alarm had stopped it’s annoying chimes.

“Please, любимый, you really think a couple of bolts and locks can stop me? Проснись и пой, у нас есть по магазинам, чтобы сделать! You promised me, Jaymie!” 

James groaned and rubbed his eyes before swinging his feet across the bed and stretching to stand, “да, да, выйти из моих волос, go start the coffee machine atleast if you're going to be so persistent.” 

At that, Natalia, a very close friend of his family, left him to get to the kitchen. Bucky yawned and scratched at his stomach, looking down at the problem between his legs. With a sigh, he did his best to ignore it so that he could sneak to the bathroom across the hall undetected. By the time he had finished brushing his teeth and washing his face, he had willed his erection down enough to get dressed and actually show his face to his friend.

There, she was stunning as always. Her ruby red hair was curled to perfection, draping over her shoulders flawlessly. Her black tee and black skinny jeans combo was accented by her red blazer, which was hanging from the stool she was sitting on.

“доброе утро, thought you’d never wake up.” Natalia grinned while sipping at her very freshly brewed coffee.

“Can we please speak English, 'Talia, we’re not surrounded by Russian family anymore.” Bucky yawned out while pouring himself his own cup. Natalia rolled her eyes and put her mug down to lean back comfortably in her seat.

“First, sandwiches. Then, we have business we need to talk about.” 

“What day is it?” Bucky asked around the brim of his drink, blatantly ignoring the last part of her sentence. Business was never fun with Natalia, since they always demanded a lot of him. Natalia was the owner of a gym turned dance studio, one that their families used as a front for illegal boxing matches for years. But when Natalia took control of the gym, those acts ended almost immediately. When James got back from his second tour of Iraq with his bum arm and hollow eyes, she offered him a job to clean the gym after hours. It was nice to have something repetitive to do, listening to music and cleaning off the floors. The lights were usually mostly off and just Nat worked in her office, filing away paperwork. It was one of the biggest favors she could have done for him, and now that Bucky is getting better at his panic attacks and PTSD, she's been asking him to help teach self-defense classes.

“Thursday, why?”

“I have plans for later. Want to join me?”

x

Steve didn’t have many friends come into the store just to see him, or friends in general now that he thought about it. His life has been consumed by the shop and his art. He did have a few friends from college that he sometimes talked to but never enough to warrant them wanting to visit him when it gets slow. Steve sighed while tapping his fingers against the counter he was leaning on, bored out of his mind. At this exact time he was wishing that anyone would come through the doors of his shop, at least so he had a reason to stand around all day. 

After about his third sigh in the last hour, Steve straightened out his achey back and turned to organize the wall of new releases… again. It was then that the door rang as it opened, two people walking in while chatting.

“I didn’t know you still picked up comics. Old habits die hard, Мут?” A woman said, the grin apparent even in her voice. She had a heavy Russian accent, twisting her words attractively. She also apparently walked a lot lighter than compared to her companion, who seemed to be stomping into the store.

“Couldn’t take me away from my funnies even if you tried, паук.” A familiar voice replied, making Steve turn in his spot to look at the source. Well atleast the stomping made sense now. 

With Bucky was an extremely pretty and intimidating woman. Intimidating enough that Steve clammed up instead of greeting the two, like he usually would, staring at the books infront of him instead.

“What did I say about calling me that, we’re over that.” The woman complained but it sounded hollow in it's threat, instead a chuckle following. After that they both went kind of silent until Bucky spoke up,

“Steve?”

Steve swallowed and scrunched his eyes closed, of course Bucky would wonder where he was, he WORKED here. With a silent intake of breath, he nodded and stepped out from the wall to see them both.

“Hey. Around time you’d show up.” Steve said while linking his hands behind his back. He avoided the girl’s eyes at all costs, just looking at Bucky. When their eyes connected, Bucky smiled and warmed up a bit. 

“Yeah, can’t disappoint my favorite comic shop.” Bucky laughed out before turning to the girl to gesture to the wall and walking over to it. Steve let out a breath and walked over to the register, fiddling his thumbs. He heard them chattering from away, flipping back and forth between Russian and English. It was hard to keep track of because of that, the girl going into Russian more often than Bucky. Who mainly spoke in English, unless he whispered replies in Russian. It was intimate and familiar looking, as if they had been this way for a very long time. It made Steve’s stomach knot up.

Eventually, Bucky walked up to the register with a stack of books.

“Long day?” Bucky asked while Steve started sorting out the books to price.

“Longer than usual.” Steve replied and even he heard how clipped it was. But he didnt react to it and neither did the other two. 

“Are you Steve Rogers?” The woman asked, making Steve look up at her. Though the eye contact they shared was brief, Steve quickly looking back down at the books. He couldn’t point out why she made him so nervous, since it obviously couldn’t be how overwhelmingly beautiful (and intimidating) she was. Then again, he never was that good at talking to girls. It was the bane of his existence while in high school, whenever people would look at him avoiding talking to girls and they assumed things.

Things that ended up being correct but that was no way for one to find out who they are.

“Yes. How did you know?” Steve mumbled while still facing the books.

“Did you go to Shield Academy of Arts?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I did…” Steve graduated a couple of years ago with a degree in graphic arts, one that he got pretty quickly too since he excelled in most of his classes. Not to mention how much he threw himself into his school work and his art so that he could graduate as soon as he could. The only reason why he was able to go was because of a scholarship that he had received after submitting his art into a contest. It was one of his proudest moments in his life.

“Class of 2011?” 

“Yes…” His tone was skeptical and defensive, but still avoiding her eyes.

“I knew it. I told you, James, I did recognize him. I graduated that year as well, with a degree in Performance Arts, I knew I saw your face somewhere.” 

Steve finally looked back at her then, at her mischievous grin that made her look more like the cheshire cat than anything. His eyes flickered over to Bucky, who looked amused and shrugged,

“She has a good memory.” 

The girl put her hand out for him to shake, which he did quickly and pretty meekly while she introduced herself,

“I’m Natalia.”

“Steve…?” Steve introduced himself back, quickly putting his hand back to his side while she laughed to herself,

“I know that now.”

With that, Natalia started speaking in rapid pace Russian to Bucky, her eyes twinkling with the same mischief that her grin had earlier. Bucky seemed to ignore her though, just smiling tensely forward at Steve. 

As soon as Steve handed back Bucky’s credit card, he snatched it and shoved into his pocket. He grabbed the books, not even bothering for a bag, and grabbed Natalia’s hand, interrupting her while she was saying something. With how wicked her expression was, maybe it was a good thing that he didn’t speak Russian,

“We better get going now! Nice talking to you Steve, see you next Thursday!” Bucky yelled out while nearly running out the door with Natalia. 

Steve watched as the two left, waving slowly since he didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye back.

x

“What the hell was that for?!” Bucky nearly yelled out while speed walking away from the store. And while Nat next to him wasn’t exactly laughing, her face might as well have been just as amused. Even though they were in Russian, Natalia was saying some very personal things back in the store. Words like, 'Is this what got you starry eyed' and 'He's cute when he blushes, you think so too?' Things that, of course Nat picked up, with her super sleuthing skills of hers.

“So that’s who’se been taking up your time.” Natalia teases while walking infront of Bucky to turn around and walk backwards to face him. Her face was warm and amused, the edges of her smile soft.

Bucky bristled and shrugged, looking away from her to rub at the back of his neck, “It’s not like that. He just works at the store.” Bucky mumbled out, avoiding her gaze.

“You know I can read you a lot better than that, счастье.” Natalia shrugged and turned around to walk properly again, hands swinging from her sides and a plot already forming in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Просыпайся - Wake up  
> любимый - Precious  
> Проснись и пой, у нас есть по магазинам, чтобы сделать - Rise and shine, we having shopping to do!  
> да, да, выйти из моих волос - Yeah, yeah, get out of my hair.  
> доброе утро - Good morning  
> Мут - mutt  
> паук - spider  
> счастье - Sunshine
> 
> This will be one of the few chapters that will have Russian in it, I just really like messing around with it. All of them are from Google Translate so if you know how to phrase the words better, please let me know!  
> Also, visit me at tumblr


	5. Jack Hammer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know I was on a roll. Two chapters in one day! :D

James was curled up with his knees to his chest and back to a wall of some place he can’t quite remember right now, books surrounding him from when he fell over. There was someone rushing over to him, he could hear their feet coming to his direction. He pulled himself further in and looked up at the blonde when they appeared. He was slight in frame and appeared friendly but that wouldn’t be the first time someone looked harmless that ended up hurting him or his squad before.

His head was fuzzy and the lights were too bright above him. His chest felt like it was trying to strangle out all the air he had in him and there was a light coating of sweat starting to form on his forehead. His breathing was loud even to his own ears and distantly, he swore he heard gunshots and screaming. Before he knew it, he was thrown back to the war zone he clawed his way out of years ago, huddling behind a humvee to take cover from an ambush attack. 

Even more distantly, he heard the concerned cries of someone calling out his name but it was still drowned out by the screams of his friends dying at the other side of his armored truck. 

x

Steve hated construction, it was so loud and drew people away from the store. But the parking lot had needed it desperately, with it’s ridiculous potholes from long winters and cracked asphalt from harsh summers. He watched from the decorated windows as the construction crew brought in jackhammers and power drills, eager to tear up the old pavement. With a sigh, he continued working on his sketch for a commission of Red Woman, the escaped blood demon of the fictional universe, Dark Space. 

Bucky strolled in at his new earlier time and smiled tensely at Steve,

“So that’s happening.” Bucky croaked out, jabbing his thumb behind him to point out the construction.

Steve shrugged and nodded, “The pavement’s needed it. I just hate all the noise it brings up…” 

Bucky chuckled dryly and headed for the walls, his steps lighter than usual and his hands pushed deep into his sweater’s pockets. Steve turned back to his drawing and tapped his pencil when the jackhammer started again. The noise was repetitive and annoying, making the tendrils of a headache start to dig through his head. When a hammer came down and smashed into the pavement, Steve heard a crash in the back of the store. 

He rushed from his spot to go look and he saw Bucky curled into a ball on the floor. His skin was pasty white and starting to get clammy, his eyes wide and darting in all directions. 

“Bucky?” Steve called out, looking around as if someone could help him other than himself. Bucky just remained quiet and panicked looking, still pulled in tight to his knees. 

“Bucky, are you okay?” Steve asked carefully while starting to crouch down to get to his level. 

When his eyes looked back at him briefly, they were deep and clouded. It was then that Steve had realized what he was dealing with. 

“Okay, I have no idea what to do.” Steve started talking to himself, looking back at the entrance of the store and swallowing, “Customer is having a panic attack. What would your mother say to do, she knew this stuff. Okay, first, breathe. That’s important.” Steve let out a big breath after that, turning his attention back to Bucky.

“Buck? I kind of need you to not do that.” Steve thought about what he said and groaned, “That sounded shitty. I just don’t know what to do, Bucky, help me out here.” He crawled forward a bit to get closer to him, close enough that he could see the drops of sweat rolling down Bucky’s temples, “Bucky, come back to me buddy. I’m really bad at this and I might start having a panic attack too and that is the last thing we need for both of us.”

As Steve kept rambling, eventually, Bucky looked back at him with what looked like a small sense of clarity, “Steve..?” He croaked out, still uncertain and panicked looking. 

Steve smiled and nodded, sitting up straight, “Yeah, it’s me Buck, I’ve got you.” Thinking on his feet, he knew that he needed to get Bucky away from the noises outside, “Can you stand up?”

Bucky looked around and swallowed noisily, still looking shaken down to his core before he nodded meekly, “I think so…” 

His steps were shakey as Steve guided him to the stock room in the book. There were boxes stacked all around them, the lights dim and the walls covered in posters of heroes and movies. It was a little cramped and small but it was still cozy, obviously well lived in. Tucked in the corner closest to a back door was a desk, with a very comfortable desk chair. Steve would know, sometimes when he’d have to stay late to finish up paperwork, he would fall asleep in that chair until his alarm went off for the next day. There, Steve left Bucky to grab a bottle of water from his tiny cooler under the desk and a folding chair to sit on across from Bucky.

“Are you still with me?” Steve asked while opening up the bottle and putting it on the desk for Bucky to grab whenever he was ready, “You scared me a bit, I thought I was going to have to drag you back here.” Steve chuckled dryly before rubbing at the back of his neck.

Bucky just sat in the chair and looked down at his lap, still distant and drawn in. Steve watched him before looking around in thought, standing up to go back to the front of the store, “I need to go lock the door, I’m due for a break anyway. I’ll be right back just… don’t move.” 

The moment he had to run to the front of the, thankfully empty, store and lock up was enough time for him to come up with a plan. He’s had a couple of panic attacks before, along with his asthma, he knows what he can do to help out. Then again, it’s different for everyone and if it’s that bad for Bucky, he’s afraid of just making things worse. 

When Steve came back to Bucky, he hadn’t moved at all. He was still slouched over in the chair with his hair covering his face like a dramatic curtain. 

“I have attacks too sometimes. I can’t go to conventions anymore, despite my love for them.” Steve started as he sat back down in his fold out chair, “All the people would make me nervous. And how dirty everything gets, all those germs and god knows what else just floating around in the air. I started wearing a hospital mask whenever I’d go but then my asthma would kick up from not being able to breathe right. So while I’d get awesome commissions from my favorite artists, I’d always have to leave early feeling like I nearly died.” 

Bucky was still sitting completely still except for the shallow breaths he was taking. Steve thought that maybe just talking about anything would help, something for him to cling onto while he tried getting back to where he was now. Something to ground onto.

“One year, New York Comic Con in 2011, I nearly fainted in the exhibitor hall. I was planning to meet Tony Stark, do you know him? He’s the writer of that Metal Mercenary book. It’s cheesy and you can definitely tell how much he was projecting with that character but he’s still a good writer. Anyways, I was waiting in line for what felt like hours and as I was getting closer, I started to panic.” Steve chuckled to himself and looked up and through his lashes to see if he had Bucky’s attention at all. His head was still dipped but his breathing had evened out, which was a good sign, “When there were just a handful of people in front of me, it went full blown attack. I felt like I had a ton of bricks on my chest. I couldn't tell what was worse, the looks from the people around me or the looks I got from Tony. When it was my turn to meet him, I couldn't move. I felt like my legs were actually frozen. You know what happened next? He stood up and walked around the table, crossed his arms and looked at me like I was entertaining him. I got so mad at him, so mad at his stupid smile that it actually pulled me out of whatever headspace I was in.”

Steve thought back on it, how that smirk was was so full of himself and shit eating, that he squared out his shoulders and raised his chin at him. Tony just laughed, a hearty one that felt like it echoed in the busy hall and shook his head,  
“Easy, squirt. Just wanted to check that you weren’t going to faint on me. Come on, blondie, what’ll you have? Picture? Autograph? I can’t give you my phone number though, Happy might actually pop a blood vessel if I do that again.” 

Bucky let out a strained chuckle at that part of the story, his attention more on Steve than it was a few minutes ago. At the sound, Steve relaxed in his seat, unaware just how tense he was in his seat. He sighed and looked down at his feet for a second before looking back up at Bucky with a loose smile.

“He sounds like a dick.” Bucky let out in a gravelly voice, one that Steve should definitely find to peak his interest, considering the situation.

“He was. He signed my comic saying, ‘To the nervous shortstack,” which was the last time I’ll ever wait four hours to meet him ever again.”

They shared a moment of silence before Bucky took in a long breath and straightened his back, pushing his bangs back despite how they just flopped back into place.

“Thanks for this, Steve…” He mumbled out while seeming to finally take in his environment. 

“It’s fine… If I can ask, what happened back there..? I thought it was a panic attack but…” Steve didn't know how to finish that sentence, how Bucky looked a lot more haunted than a normal panic attack.

There a brief pause before Bucky sighed and grabbed for the forgotten water bottle that was next to him, “I’m a vet… I… was diagnosed with PTSD when I got back from my second tour.” He took a sip of the water and looked at the bottle, licking his lips nervously, “I guess… the sound of the hammer and the construction it just…” Bucky made an explosion gesture at his temple with his hand, looking up at Steve with his lips tucked into a pained and thin smile.

Steve watched him for a moment before nodding and biting his lip, “Are you okay..?” The question would have usually ticked Bucky off but with just how concerned Steve looked, like he didn’t want some filtered answer.

“I… don’t know. I usually go to the VA on Thursdays, which is why I used to come later but I stopped when I thought I was getting better. I guess not…” Bucky picked at the label off the water bottle, now adamantly avoiding Steve’s gaze.

The blonde took a moment to think, still adamantly chewing on his lip, “Recovery isn’t a road, it doesn't always have an endpoint. What you have, what’s happening in your head, keeps on going, and no matter what it will linger. It’s learning how to live with what you have inside of you and not let it control you that makes you see what recovery is. That’s what makes you strong and defines you, the achievements you make and not the trip ups that happen in the meantime.” Steve said, turning red at the cheeks when Bucky’s head snapped up to look at him.

“That’s… actually really good advice.” Bucky mumbled out while still looking at him. Then Steve burst out in nervous laughter, his face pained.

“It’s actually a quote from the comic Ultimate Soldier during the Recall arc, it was actually pretty well written even though it wasn’t really a fan favorite because of the writer John Harper. But I thought he wrote it fine compared to the previous writer, Archer Wayward, who completely butchered main character Sam Stomper towards the end….” Steve rambled on, his sentence trailing to a mumbled quiet before he started scratching at his neck while Bucky stared at him, “I shouldn’t have said that, that was weird, you didn’t need to know that. I should have just not said anythin-”

Steve was interrupted by Bucky’s laughter, deep and echoing around the pretty empty stock room. When he kept on laughing for a while, Steve started to join him, Bucky laughing at Steve and Steve laughing at Bucky laughing at him.

After they calmed down enough for them to stand up and stretch, Bucky looked at Steve with the most interesting look on his face. It was… warm. And comfortable. And he still looked a bit panicky and his skin still looked clammy but not to the point where Steve was concerned for his well being. The most comforting part were his eyes, that weren’t clouded over anymore but looked bluer than they ever had.

“Thanks, Steve.”

x

“So that’s what happened.” Natalia’s voice rang through from the other side of the cell phone, the sound of something sizzling in the background.

“That’s what happened…” Bucky mumbled back while his fingers brushed against a single kiwi that was on his plate.

“Your hero, knight in shining armor.” Nat teased but her voice was far from it.

“I guess so…” Bucky mused, looking up and out the window at the dark and murky sky. It was finally starting to get warm out.

“Oh my god, you’re pathetic.” 

“Maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kiwi part may or may not be a nod to one of my favorite stucky fics, Every Door Opens by shiso_romanesco. Go read it, it's fucking awesome.


	6. Awkward Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early one, be happy.

Bucky stared at the email for what felt like hours, most likely much longer than completely necessary. He started chewing at his bottom lip than groaned and rocked back in his chair while scrubbing at his face. 

‘Sup член мясо. December 25th, Christmas Party @ my place, 17:00. I already invited Clint and he’s bringing Kate. So you’re going to come and your plus one is going to be that cute nerd from the comic book store.

No way around it. He’s mandatorily invited.  
Actually, he’s invited and YOU’RE his plus one.

объятия и штампы, N.  
ps. presents aren’t necessary but I won’t stop you.’

While Natalia has always been a big supporter in his life, supporting him in his choices to join the military and supporting him when he chose to start going to the VA, this was ridiculous. How was he supposed to invite someone he barely knew to a personal party. He groaned and put his head down on his desk, running through how exactly this was going to pan out. With one big breath he shot up in his seat and slammed his laptop closed, standing up to think this over.

Ever since his episode at the store a couple of weeks ago, Bucky has been nervous in the store. While Steve opened up to him more than ever and he seemed to understand him, he still saw him at his ugliest. When he was stuck in a headspace of wartorn screams and waves of red, Steve managed to pull him out by talking to him. His words were soothing and just enough for him to grab onto, enough for him to pull himself out. When he got home, he sat on his couch and stared out his windows for a while while trying to understand what had had happened. 

When Bucky had shared his anxieties with Clint he had asked if Steve has started acting differently towards him ever since then. After he thought about it, how Steve still shuffled in his spot when he talked about his distaste Doctor Legacy, how he still would squint at Bucky while cleaning his glasses and look adorable in the process, how he seemed to not mind just how broken Bucky was, he couldn’t say he had changed. Just now he was a bit more open with him, not afraid to mention his own ailments from time to time. Clint just shrugged and suggested that it sounded like Steve didn’t think he was as broken as he thought he was. 

So Bucky had spent a couple of days trying to figure out how he was going to ask Steve to this party. He thought about it while he wiped down his windows, while he went to the bank, even while in the shower. If he might have pulled one out while standing there and thinking about blonde hair with nervous laughter, that was his own business. There was no way that Bucky would deny that he was atleast sexually attracted to Steve, and it wasn’t really the first time since he’s gotten back that he has been attracted to someone but this was the first time that just maybe it was a little more than just attraction. Steve was just so different from everyone else he’s met. 

But that’s a problem for another time. Right now, he needed to figure out a way to ask him to come to this holiday party without sounding like a creep. Cause really, this could easily go very wrong. He wasn’t sure how Steve would react to basically being asked to take whatever friendship they have to the next step, meeting outside of the store. 

He stewed in these thoughts for a while, still trying to figure out how to handle this until Thursday came before he realized it. He woke up and stared at his ceiling, trying to figure out what to do with his day. He had decided that today needed to be a VA day, since he was stressing out so much from the party and since his last trigger was still lingering around in his head. Most of the meeting went off as normal, everyone sharing what was happening in their lives and how their heads were still fighting against themselves. When the meeting came up to wraps, Bucky went up to Sam and scratched the back of his neck, nervous but eager to ask for his opinion. 

“Hey, Sam… I have a question for you.” Bucky asked while looking around at the people in the room to see if there was anyone else close enough to them to listen in. 

“What’s up, Bucky?” Sam asked while piling up the pamphlets that he brought with him every session of information.

“Well, do you remember when I told you about the day I had that panic attack at the comic book store?” Sam nodded, “Natalia invited the owner of the shop to come to a holiday party that she was going to throw. I don’t… know how to ask him.”

Sam watched him for a moment before a knowing grin spread across his face, “Why not just ask?”

The question would have seemed dumb to anyone else but for some reason, it was like it really was that simple for a second there. And with how open Sam looked, like there wasn’t a single flaw in his suggestion, James wanted to believe him.

“He… knows about me though.” He added, still looking at him in awe.

“It seems like you want me to tell you not to ask him, Bucky. But I really do think that it would be that easy. It’s only as easy as you make it, buddy.”

And with that, Bucky found himself nearly shaking as he walked into the shop. Steve was alone, reading a book while sitting at the desk behind the counter,  
“Hey Bucky.” He drawled out while flipping a page, not looking up at him. But there was a smile on his face, as if he knew that not looking up would annoy him.  
“Sup Steve.” Bucky asked tensely, wincing at himself at how clipped he sounded. That was when Steve looked up to face him then cleared his throat, put his book down, and stood up to face him.  
“You know how Thursdays are, trying to power through a very difficultly boring part of Beginner’s Game.” Steve shrugged to himself, glaring over his shoulder at the book in question.

“Isn’t that the one that is being turned into a movie?” Bucky asked, trying to play at casual while his hand rested on the counter. His fingers started to beat a random tune, unknowingly jittery. 

Steve watched him for a minute then nodded, “Yeah but don’t bother. It’s going to be the same director from that weird horror sci fi the other year, with the alien pug monsters?”

Bucky laughed and nodded, looking down at his feet. There was a moment of silence before Steve sighed and rested his elbows on the counter, much closer to James when he looked up again.

“What’s eating you?” Steve asked, a lot more comfortable with himself than Bucky has seen him yet. 

“I…” Bucky looked around for a second, chewing at his bottom lip and swallowing, “I have a question for you.”

Steve watched him in confused silence for a second, apparently reading Bucky a lot better than he had accounted for. When did that happen? When did Steve become to fluent with how Bucky communicated, how he acted? Just a couple of months ago, they were still sharing awkward glances and muttered mannerisms. 

“Okay, shoot.”

Bucky cleared his throat and took a breath of air, “I… my friend, you met her? Natalia? The… red hair?” Bucky pointed at his own long hair before Steve slowly nodded along, “She emailed me and.. well, Christmas. Is coming up. So, she emailed me asking if I’d want to go and if I did to ask… if… you’d come too…” 

They stared at each other for a second, Bucky starting to panic, “She actually told me that you’re invited and I’d be your plus one, you’d think she’s joking but I know she’ll kick my ass if I don’t atleast ask you. She can be a lot, she’s really headstrong, I don’t, it’s okay if-”

“I can’t.”

The words hung in the air for a while, Bucky stopping his rambling to look at Steve. He can’t. He didn’t even know when it was, what day, he didn’t want to know. He just can’t go.

“I-I’m sorry, James, I…” Steve took a step back, putting a bit of a distance between them, “I have plans.”

“Oh, I get it. Yeah… yeah that. She’s ridiculous. Don’t… worry about it.” Bucky uttered while nodding and shoving his hands into his pockets. Whatever Steve had said after that was kind of brushed off, Bucky needed to get away. He turned on his heels after nodding with a tight smile to look at the wall. Or just pretend to, really, while he thought about this.

Of fucking course. This was ridiculous. This was stupid, he was stupid. Of course Steve wouldn’t be interested. The second he leaves this store, he’s no longer a relevant part of his life, they only know each other because of this store. Take that away, what point did he have? Christmas was so personal too, something that required Steve to surrounded by people he knew. That probably didn’t sound fun to Steve at all, there was no way he would want a part of that.  
Especially not with someone like Bucky. 

He couldn’t take it anymore, he turned to walk out when he saw Steve standing right infront of him. There was a red glow on his cheeks and he looked like he had pushed his hair around.

“I didn’t mean that. I panicked.” The blonde spoke as if the words had weights on them, and when they were out they lifted off him and he was able to get himself together more. Or so it looked, as he started to stand up straighter and stop picking at a loose thread on his pullover, “I’m.. really shitty at parties. I don’t know what to do, I live alone with my cat, have for almost five years now. I don’t know how to do.. people.” 

Bucky watched him for a moment and suddenly the roles were reversed, Steve now looking like he was going to panic while James was in a stunned silence.

“It’s not you, I promise. I just really don’t want people thinking bad of you since you’re the one who was going to bring me and I would just sit around the entire time, I can’t dance for my life and I don’t know what to talk about most of the time.” He kept rambling up excuses until he couldn’t think of anymore, the store now really silent.

“It’s not that kind of party, Steve.” Bucky was able to find, suddenly a lot more motivated to convince Steve to come, “We don’t dance, or drink a lot or stuff. Mainly, we just have a couple cups of eggnog and marathon Home Alone.” 

“I don’t want to intrude…”

“I think Nat will actually kill me if you don’t come.” He blurted out, turning pink at the cheeks when that seemed to get Steve’s attention.

Steve just kind of stood there after that, both of them staring at each other until Bucky shrugged and looked away, “I get it.”

There was another stretch of silence before Steve took his phone out, an older iPhone model, and held it out for Bucky, “When is it? I… I guess I’ll try, if it’s just going to be eggnog and movies. Though Home Alone kind of sucks…”

Bucky was still a bit stunned while he was giving him his phone number and rattling off the info. Steve nodded along the entire time, confirming the address and saving all the info on his calender.

“Do I have to bring food cause the most I best cooking skills I have are limited to microwavable pizza pockets.” Steve said shyly, shoving his hands into his pockets and fidgeting with his feet.

“Nah, Nat has connections with a really tasty italian place that caters. Any allergies?” Bucky asked, aware that Steve had a couple he should probably watch out for.

“Shellfish and pit fruits, mostly.” 

Bucky just nodded and filed that away to tell Natalia later. 

Before really anything else could be said, another customer walked in and took Steve’s attention, motioning that he had to get back to work.

The guy stayed long enough that he wasn’t really able to stay and talk with him, Bucky just ringing out and smiling while starting his way out. But Steve stopped him, holding out his hand in a ‘wait’ gesture,  
“I’ll text you?”

Bucky nodded and they smiled at each other at that moment, kind of forgetting about the other customer until Steve waved and mumbled a goodbye.

x

N (21:46): ‘JUST SAW YOUR EMAIL YOU ACTUALLY ASKED HIM????? I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN’T, I’M GOING TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST.’

Me (21:48): ‘You did say I was his plus one, couldn’t show up without him.’

N (21:50): ‘I’ll tell Clint to bring extra rum for the eggnog.’

Me (21:53): ‘Please don’t. Also can we watch breakfast club instead of home alone this year? steve hates ha.’

N (22:00): ‘Wow dating for a day and he’s already breaking tradition. We can’t keep you in our family if you keep doing this, баловень’

Me (22:03): ‘I can’t stand this corrupted family anyway. also not dating.’

N (22:05): ‘Currently writing you out of the will, now you’ll get nothing over my dead body. and completely dating’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> член мясо - Dick meat  
> объятия и штампы - Hugs and punches  
> баловень - Pet


	7. Warm, and everything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me~? [Love you!](http://ppamelaivy.tumblr.com)

Nothing about driving makes Bucky comfortable. There are so many things that he can’t control when he’s driving, the threat of an accident constantly looming. But sometimes he had to do what he had to do and drive to Steve’s apartment then Natalia’s house is something he had to do. Thankfully Steve didn’t live too far from him, only a couple of minutes on a highway that was thankfully pretty empty at four thirty in the afternoon. With a few bated breaths, Bucky texted Steve when he had arrived and tapped against the steering wheel. While waiting, he looked at himself in the compartment mirror, fixing his hair as much as he could and analyzed his outfit critically. His favorite flannel henley felt cozy against his chest, hugging him protectively and shielding him from whatever chill was trying to get into his truck. His beat up, bright red pick up truck was old but reliable, a gift from Natalia after she had gotten a new car herself. He cherished it but was always too intimidated to really drive it around too far. 

After about ten minutes of fidgeting around and pulling on rebellious strands of hair, Steve came rushing out of his apartment complexes doors, wrapping a thick and impossibly ugly green scarf around his neck. His leather jacket looked smooth and worn in, comfy in the bitter winter air. As always though, underneath the jacket looked like a plushy knit sweater over a button down, making him look adorably nerdy. When he climbed into the car, he let out a huff and turned to face Bucky.

They looked at each other for a moment before Steve let out a tense laugh and fidgeted with the seat belt, “This is a little weird.” 

Bucky laughed with him and put the car into drive, looking around to make sure the street was clear before heading off again, “A little bit.” He admitted, flexing his hands on the steering wheel. 

“You’re sure I don’t need to bring anything..? I’d feel bad if I ended up being the only one out..” Steve fussed, picking at his jeans.

Bucky shook his head, “If you get in trouble for not bringing anything I would too, since I’m empty handed. But Nat doesn’t mind.” 

Steve looked over at Bucky, who was still attempting at driving as safely as he possibly could. When Bucky felt his eyes on him, he quickly glanced over at him, “What?”

Steve shrugged and turned to look back at his lap, pulling a thread on his jacket sleeve, “Why did Natalia invite me?” 

Bucky swallowed and shifted in his seat, looking up at the darkening sky and the rumbling grey clouds, concerned that it might snow later, “She… is odd. She liked you?” He sighed and pushed some of his hair around, a nervous habit of his that he did without realizing but Steve always did, “I think since I told her about the.. uh… attack, I had at your place, she wanted to thank you?” 

Steve watched him and then nodded, looking back out at the window of his seat. The rest of the car ride was mainly silent except for a few conversations about the store or Bucky’s truck. When they arrived, Bucky and Steve walked up to Natalia’s house almost in sync. The air was chilly and by now the sky was starting to get heavy with darkness. There was a bitter wind and it felt as though it was going to start snowing any second now. The house was a modest size, big enough for her and her armada of cats for sure. It wasn’t that Nat lived a cushy life but her family business did make it easier on her after she had graduated. Just as Bucky was about to open the door and walk inside, completely comfortable with the home by now, he turned to Steve and cleared his throat,

“Word of warning, Clint bought his girlfriend over. She’s… nice. And very curious.” Bucky rubbed at the back of his neck and chewed on his lip, “If she gets to be too much, let me know.”

With a nod and tense smiles, Bucky opened the door to a warm and cozy living room. The room was well lived in, with pictures hanging on the walls and furniture placed around each other. There was holiday music playing in the background of loud laughter, a small group of people sitting around a coffee table that had all kind of snacks placed ontop it. When Bucky took off his jacket, Nat looked up and over at the two with a smile spreading quickly,

“Look what the cat dragged in!” 

When the rest of the group looked over at them, there were waves of greetings. Steve watched them and tried to shrink into himself, shoving his hands into his pockets as they made their way over to the living room. There were a few people that Steve didn’t know besides Natalia, who stood up and smiled warmly at them.

“Steve, this is Clint and Kate,” Natalia introduced to a couple that were cozy with each other in an armchair, “a friend of Bucky and I’s. Over there is Phil and Maria, they work at the gym with me. Also, pretty sure Virginia is stopping by, Bucky you remember her from that self defense class you helped out with?”

Bucky winced and turned to face Nat, raising a brow at her, “I remember the bruises you insisted on leaving.”

Natalia rolled her eyes and plopped back down in her cushy loveseat, “Men are such babies…”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Steve.” Clint said while putting down a cup of eggnog to hold out his hand to shake.

They all settled in while Nat started the movie and set up dinner, which was a whole dinner table full of food in tin trays. Some of it needed to be heated up again, which gave everyone enough time to prod at Steve while Bucky sat in the corner of the couch.

“So where did you meet Jamie?” Kate, who was completely sprawled across Clint’s lap and sipping at her eggnog, asked with a curious smirk. Bucky groaned out loud at the name, Kate just grinning and keeping eye contact with Steve.

It was still pretty hard for him to find his voice, clearing his throat a couple of times before he actually was able to speak, detesting being the center of conversation right now, “At my store.” He managed to croak out, wiggling a bit in his seat. 

“Your store?!” Kate put her drink down and shifted around ontop of Clint, who was obviously uncomfortable with how much she was moving, as if he needed to alleviate some of the pressure she was putting on him. “What kind of store?”

Steve quickly looked over at Bucky, who was deep in a conversation with Phil about something having to do with the gym before clearing his throat, “Comic books.”

“Comic books?!” Kate nearly jumped from her seat on Clint lap, who let out a pained groan, “Like super heroes and half naked warrior chicks?”

“Yes?”

There was a glint in Kate’s eyes before she was pushed off Clint’s lap, who let out a loud sigh of relief, “Holy crap, you were killing me.”

“Whiner!” Kate shouted from the floor, glaring up at her boyfriend before the front door was opened again. There was a long gust of wind and a sigh of relief before everyone turned to look.

“Virginia!” Natalia shouted from the kitchen when she looked over, rushing over to the door to greet the woman. She was tall and lithe, looking like a picture of royalty in a deep red dress. Her auburn hair was in a neat bun on the top of her head and she was holding an expensive looking bottle of wine.

“Natalia! Thank you so much for inviting me. Hi everyone.” She shook off her long black peacoat of the snow that apparently had started falling, looking over at Nat with a smile.

Hasty introductions were made before dinner was served. Virginia was a graceful and intelligent woman, who insisted that she only stay for dinner.  
“Tony has to eat still, but you know how he gets when he’s so into his writing.” She shrugged and smiled brightly at the food that was on the table. The rest of the chatter was light and fun, everyone poking fun at each other. It was warm and cozy, the food an authentic Italian cuisine that had Steve’s mouth watering. For the first time in a while, he started to feel comfortable in a room of people he didn’t know. He wondered if it was because it was a pretty small group or because of how much they were like him. People that didn’t quite fit in the world that just wanted to get away. He looked at the seat next to him, where Bucky sat, and he looked so calm. As if nothing right now could bring him down. It made Steve smile and look down at his thick plate of food, starting to dig in. 

What Bucky had forgotten to mention, apparently was that while no one forced him to drink, it was still very much there. And it wasn’t that Steve was against drinking, he just didn’t like being with drunk people. But the more glasses of fancy imported wine and smooth eggnog there was, the more he didn’t seem to care who else was drinking with him. 

By the time the dinner was done, everyone heavy with full stomachs of delicious food, the evening was starting to settle. Steve sat with everyone, quiet as he usually was but still comfortable, in the living room while getting to know each other. His side was warm, pressed up against Bucky without really realizing. If he concentrated, he was able to feel the vibrations of his laughter or the hum of his end of whatever conversation was happening. Despite what Virginia had insisted, she stayed behind for Breakfast Club and laughed along with whatever story Clint was telling in the mean time. Kate was huddled close with Natalia, both of them looking more comfortable with each other than just friends usually are. Phil and Maria were talking about the movie, surprised at the change in tradition but appreciative. 

Then Bucky turned to look at Steve, earning his attention again. They looked at each other for a moment before Bucky’s lips spread into a familiar smile, “You alright?” 

Steve thought about it for a second. He realized just how close Bucky was, how his arm was draped behind him on the edge of the couch and his hair was apparently let loose from the ponytail it was in earlier. Most of the lights were off by now, just a few lamps in the living room and the Christmas tree glistening, setting the room in an amber glow. Someone started laughing, it sounded like Kate, when Steve looked back up at him with a calm smile, “Yeah.”

x

Kate had fallen asleep while talking to Steve, actually fell over mid conversation. She apparently had suddenly remembered about the conversation she had earlier about the comic book store and wanted to ask every question she could have possibly thought of then, just as curious as Bucky had warned. But her excitement was contagious, making Steve laugh and talk fast with her when things got exciting. His cheeks felt warm and the edges of everything were starting to get fuzzy. Before he knew it, he was practically getting picked up by Bucky.

“We better get going, before Steve passes out.”

The small crew that was left by then, just Nat, Clint, and Kate boo’ed at the idea.

“Come on, Bucks, you guys know you can stay.” Natalia insisted, standing up and pouting at him.

“Nah, you know how I get staying over other people’s places. Plus if we stay the night, I’m pretty sure the truck is going to get snowed in.” Bucky laughed and started gathering his things along with Steve’s, while he pouted at Bucky.

“We really gotta go, Bucky?” Steve asked, leaning back against the couch that was behind him.

At that, James looked up at him for a moment, as if trying to figure something out. Behind Steve, Natalia made a curious face and smirked at Bucky knowingly. 

“You want to stay, Steve?” Bucky asked, stopping what he was doing to look at him.

Steve noticed what he was doing and shrugged shyly, lifting on shoulder up to his jaw while he looked around at their feet, “Sure, I like it here.”

There was a moment of silence before Clint let out a whoop and jumped up to his feet, “I knew I liked you, Rogers.” The blonde practically yelled out, stumbling over his feet to get around the couch and hook an arm around Steve’s small shoulders, “Kid wants to stay, Barnes. You know Nat’s got enough room for you guys since KitKat and I are gonna share the bed with N anyway. Plus, the roads are probably all icy right now since the plowers haven’t come by yet, just stay.” Clint exaggerated the last word, pulling Steve in closer to himself while pouting at Bucky. Steve tilted his head to rest on Clint’s shoulder, also pouting but not realizing that he was doing it. The look in his eyes were full of so much warmth and life, innocent in an endearing kind of way.

James looked between all of them, letting out a loud groan and craning his neck back, “Fine, we’ll stay. But you’re getting breakfast tomorrow, punk.” Bucky said to Steve, dropping their things again to get comfy again. 

Nat jumped at that, ignoring the ongoing snoring from next to her, “Great! I’ll go clear out the guest room.” 

Clint went with her to clear his own things out to Nat’s room while Bucky turned to look at Steve with a smile, “Like it here, huh?” He teased, crossing his arms across his chest. Bucky had definitely also opened up more to Steve tonight, not as hesitant with his speech and a lot less shy than he was when they first got here. If anything, he was starting to get flirty with him every now and then, which Steve didn’t quite understand at first. 

With a shrug, Steve smiled back at him, “It’s fun. Your friends are fun.” 

Bucky’s smile softened and nodded, looking down at his feet before back up at Steve, “They like you too.” There was a brief pause before Bucky spoke up again, “Do you want the guest room? I don’t mind sleeping in here.”

Steve thought about it for a second, romanticized the idea of maybe sharing the bed with Bucky. But something stopped him from suggesting it, maybe his lingering anxieties that this was just the alcohol making this moment so intimate, “Sure. Thanks.”

Bucky had seemed to start drifting closer to him, suddenly leaning against the couch next to him. He was impossibly close just then, his shoulder pressed warmly against Steve’s side and once again warming him up, “You know, you can keep being a friend here if you want.” Bucky suggested oddly, his eyes bravely lingering on Steve’s face.

Steve blushed and smiled, looking down at his feet, “Yeah?” He asked as he looked back up at Bucky, their eyes locking then.

“Nat likes you. Clint definitely has brocrush thing for you and I’m pretty sure Kate wants to actually eat you up.” Bucky playfully added, bumping shoulders with Steve.

There was a brief pause before Steve added, just as bravely, “And you?”

Bucky’s playful smile faltered a bit and his eyes got incredibly intense. There was a hum of quiet, just hushed voices from the rooms across the house while the vision of snow fell outside of the cozy house. This moment got suddenly so surreal, spending Christmas with new friends and something suddenly sparking up between them. It was as if something cleared up, just how much they were in each others lives right now. Even if it was just spending Thursdays with each other in friendly conversations and fun companionship, they were still something that was wonderfully constant. Before Bucky could really reply, though, Kate mumbled up from the floor,  
“I need to get to a bathroom right. Now.” 

x

After handling a rather uncomfortable situation of Kate suddenly feeling sick from too much eggnog, everyone went to bed and left the house in a peaceful quiet. The guest room was cozy and a bit compact, but it was still some of the best sleep Steve has had in a while.

When he woke up, it was the room being lit in a bright blue from the closed curtains. When he stood up groggily and moved them aside, he saw something amazing. The entire world outside was completely coated in white. The streets were still completely covered in snow, not even track marks from any sort of snow plower yet. The entire world was coated in fluffy, white snow, and it looked like something from a story.

Suddenly, he heard laughter and realized that there was a strong scent of coffee in the air. He stumbled around to find his pants and his glasses, walking outside of the room to the kitchen. The kitchen was filled with everyone from last night, all of them drinking coffee and chatting. When Bucky caught a glimpse of Steve, he looked over at him with a sleepy smile, 

“Morning. There’s coffee.”

Wait.

‘Well fuck.’ Steve thought to himself.


	8. Fresh snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Bucky isn't that scared of change for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry with how delayed this was! But hopefully it's painfully sweet enough for you guys to forgive me. Really, it's stupid cute. I'll honestly try to update more frequently too, I just got caught up with life and Thanksgiving.  
> No beta, as usual. If anyone is interested, please message me [here](http://ppamelaivy.tumblr.com).  
> ANYWAYS, have fun.

“How long has he been sitting like that?”

“I think about an hour now. Tom and Jerry was still playing when he sat down.”

“Should we…”

“Nah, he’ll be fine.”

Bucky heard the voices in the background, but didn’t pay attention to them. The cup of coffee in his hands was starting to get cold and his back was beginning to hurt from slouching over the bowl of cereal in front of him. But on his face, was a pleasant smile. In his head, was pleasant thoughts. He thought about the Christmas party from the previous night, about how much Steve had opened up. He thought about his beautiful smiles, his easy laughter, and his warm skin. He thought about how sweet he was when he started to get drunk, how his smiles were like sunshine, lighting him up from the inside. Most of all, he thought about his eyes. 

God, those eyes. Those extremely expressive eyes, ones that entranced him completely while being illuminated by the lights of the Christmas tree. When he had asked Bucky if they could stay, they completely swallowed him up. If Steve kept using those beautiful eyes on him like that, there was nothing that Bucky wouldn’t do for him. He was sure he’d walk the world ten times over for those eyes.

“Well look who woke up.” 

Bucky snapped back into reality to look over at the hallway, a very sleepy Steve standing there. His hair was sleep tousled, his eyes still droopy from still waking up. His clothes were rumpled and there were still creases on his face from the pillow.

It was sickeningly adorable and if Bucky smiled at him, he did it without even realizing. Bucky gestured a bit to the kitchen, “Morning. There’s coffee.” The look on Steve’s face when he looked over from the coffee machine to up to Bucky’s face was priceless, his eyes widening adorably.

“Oh my god, I’m going to vomit.” Clint groaned in the background, apparently completely ignored by Bucky and Steve.

Steve nodded and made way into the kitchen, starting his own cup while Clint and Natasha watched the weather from across the kitchen and Kate scrolling through her phone. Kate and Nat had pajamas while Clint still sat there in his deep purple button down from last night. Though it looked he also decided to put on a pair of Nat’s pajama pants at some point, which were a bit small on him and pinching at his hips. 

“So Bucky may have been right about his truck being snowed in.” Kate announced then looked up at everyone. 

“It’s not that bad, Kate.” Clint offered but he didn’t sound that convinced as he sipped his coffee. 

It was then that the new station changed over to the current forecast and revealed the weather. Sure enough, a little animation of falling snowflakes flickered on the TV screen and showed that there was a prediction of atleast ten inches of snow. 

Bucky scrambled from the stool to peer out the window if the kitchen, the street already blanketed in snow. He let out a heavy groan and tilted his head forward to rest on the cold glass. Steve appeared next to him, squinting as he looked out the window.

“Well, boys, looks like we got some shoveling to do!” Nat called out to a chorus of reluctant noises. Steve looked over at Bucky and smiled apologetically.

“Oops…”

x

Somehow, between clothes Clint had left at Nat’s place previously and extra scarves that were stuffed in the back of closets, everyone was ready to go outside. There were only three shovels so everyone had to take turns shoveling out the driveway. It started with Clint, Natasha and Kate while Steve and Bucky cooked breakfast. At some point, though, Kate had wiggled off with an shoddy excuse to use the bathroom and never really went back outside. 

Steve scrambled eggs and chopped up onions while Bucky started pancake duty. The kitchen was warm and a little cramped but nice. There was music blasting through the house so everyone outside could hear it through cracked windows. When Clint and Natasha scurried inside with red noses and snow in their hair, they slumped on the couch lazily,

“You guys do the rest, I’m beat!” Clint announced while pulling off his gloves. 

“I actually cannot feel my toes right now.” Natasha complained while her head tipped back to rest on plushy cushions. 

“Well, we’re up, Stevie.” Bucky turned off the heat on the stove and wiped off his hands with a rag, turning to look at Steve.

They suited up in whatever clothing they could fit on their bodies, putting on the damp scarves that Clint and Nat had worn before along with the same gloves. Kate was discovered to be napping in Natasha’s room, forced to atleast cook if she wasn’t going to shovel. The air was crisp outside, the chill of winter immediately pressing against their faces. Bucky let out a pained howl at the chill, pulling into himself with a violent shiver,  
“Holy crap it’s cold!”

“Don’t be such a baby, Barnes.” Steve teased while carefully walking over to the little snow bank where Clint and Nat had stuck the shovels. One was hidden behind the bushes, the edge of the handle poking out carelessly. 

“How are you not freezing right now?” Bucky shivered and jumped around in his spot, attempting to warm up before having to do the other half of the drive and sidewalk. The area that Natasha lived in was deep in the New Jersey suburbs, close enough to New York that she only had to do a half hour commute to work every day. All of the other houses looked hauntingly similar to her own, people even starting to do their own similar work of shoveling out driveways and pathways. Natasha’s house was probably the smallest on the block, which was appreciated right now when that meant less to shovel. 

They chit chatted while shoveling, Bucky working on the walkway while Steve attempted at unearthing the truck. There was a pause of silence while they worked, Bucky deep in the zone of his rhythmic shoveling until he felt a hard press of snow burst against his ear. He howled out and covered his ear with his gloved hand, looking over at Steve, who was laughing uncontrollably. 

“You did not…” Bucky started, watching Steve absolutely lose his shit.

“I couldn’t help it! You just looked so miserable!” Steve chuckled out while looking up at Bucky. They watched each other for a minute before Bucky scrambled to pick up as much snow as his hands could grab, packed it in tight while chasing after Steve. They chased each other around the house, careful for patches of ice and hidden obstacles. Eventually, Bucky collapsed in the backyard, huffing out laughter. He felt clammy from sweating under the layers of clothes, panting up puffs of foggy breaths while Steve plopped down onto the snow next to him. They both looked up at the sky in a joined moment of relaxation after that much excitement.

“You play dirty. You almost pushed me onto the fence before.” Bucky complained while still attempting to catch his breath.

“Do you always complain this much?” Steve chuckled out. They were quiet again for a second before Steve grabbed a handful of snow and tossed it onto Bucky’s face. Bucky shot up with a yelp, attempting to rub off as much of the snow as he could

“You cheater!” 

Bucky turned to glare at Steve and stopped completely. Steve was laughing, his cheeks red and matching the tip of his nose. There was snow dusted in his short hair and some melting on his face, even in his eyelashes. His smile was bright and big, stretching his face out beautifully. The snow framed him like a picture, Steve the center of the frame. When he seemed to notice that Bucky was staring, his laughter teetered off and they just looked at each other. Bucky wondered just then what he was thinking, what he saw when he looked back up at him so intensely. The vet shifted to face him better while Steve propped himself up on his elbows, both of them never breaking eye contact with each other.

Steve’s lips were pink and starting to look a little chapped, probably from the cold air. His eyes were a crystal clear blue, peering back at him with heat. Before either of them realized, they were much closer to each other. The world was quiet around them, just the humming of cars in the distance and the soft plops of snow falling off branches. 

His lips were just as soft as they looked, albeit chilled from the cold air. The kiss was chaste and sweet, short lived and innocent. When they pulled apart, they looked at each other in surprise before Bucky swept in for another. This kiss was just as sweet but lasted longer, Bucky even daring to swipe his tongue along Steve’s plump bottom lip. 

“Oh my god, I told you! I told you the party would do it, I am such a genius! And you owe me lunch at Luigi’s, asshole!” 

Steve and Bucky jumped away from each other in surprise from Natasha’s voice, apparently accompanied by Clint’s complaints. Bucky groaned in distaste and rubbed his face, looking over at Steve. When he expected a bashful response, he instead got a dreamy smile and then laughter. After a second, Bucky couldn’t help but start laughing with him. He wasn’t too sure why they were laughing, considering that Natasha and Clint were definitely arguing about the merits of the bet they apparently had going on between them and Bucky was pretty sure his fingertips were frozen solid. 

But what wasn’t there to laugh about. He was filled with happiness and couldn’t believe that they kissed just seconds beforehand. Before this, Bucky hadn’t even considered that Steve felt the same for him. Hell, before this, he didn’t even know that he really felt this way for him to begin with. Surely, that meant that now there was a lot that needed to be talked about and what happened next but for now, he let himself laugh.

x

Once when the truck was about as digged out as they were going to get it, Bucky and Steve bowed out from Natasha’s. By then it was starting to get dark out, since the sun started setting ridiculously early. The car ride was a little awkward but comfortable, Steve checking emails on his phone while Bucky had a minor heartattack from driving in the snow. When they pulled up to Steve’s apartment complex, he looked over at Bucky and started chewing on his bottom lip.

“So… I’ll see you Thursday?” Steve said, his voice hopeful. Bucky grinned and leaned forward, pausing briefly to see if Steve didn’t want what he was offering. Instead, he met him halfway for Bucky to kiss him again. That was when he noticed that it wasn’t the snow that made their kiss send tingles through his body but the soft rub of their lips against each other. Steve hummed softly before pulling back with a bashful smile. Ah, fuck it, Bucky thought.

“What are you doing tomorrow? I - I mean, after… you know, the store. And stuff.”

Steve leaned back in his seat and watched Bucky, shaking his head, “Just gotta get home to feed kitty.” 

Bucky chewed at his bottom lip for a second, “Would you… Do you wanna get dinner?” 

Steve started to blush, his cheeks turning into a soft rosey pink, “Like.. a date?”

The vet chuckled and nodded, resting his elbow on the center console, “Yeah. Like a date.”

Steve left out an amused huff and looked down at his lap, his fingers fidgeting with his cellphone, “Sure. Yeah, that’d be… that’d be nice.”

Bucky smiled at him and they just watched each other before Steve leaned forward for quick peck. Then he stepped out of the car, Bucky still watching him with a comfortable expression.

“I’ll pick you up at… 7:30?” Bucky suggested out before Steve could close the door, smiling when he got a nod in response.

Then, just like that, Steve was gone and Bucky was alone again. He watched Steve leave before he flailed his feet around and let out a loud hoot. This was scary and new, something that could change his life in some ways but he wasn’t that scared for a change. Instead of wanting to hide away from the change, he leaned towards it and accepted it. Since just because this was new doesn’t mean it was something that he didn’t want.

x

When Steve walked into his apartment, he was greeted by a very grumpy and hungry kitty.

“Oh Icky, the story I have for you!” Steve started, dropping his keys into the little bowl next to his front door, swooping down to scoop his cat into his arms, “Don’t be sour with me, kitty!” 

Despite the meows in protest to the forced affection, Icarus didn’t move and instead just hung limply from Steve’s arms. It was comforting and just the right amount of grumpy that he needed just then. Now to freak out over the lack of nice, clean clothes that he had. Since tomorrow was going to be the first day in a while that Steve would actually need to dress up for a reason that wasn’t depressing or graduation. He felt like he was full of air and he was about to float away any second now, with his grumpy cat in his arms and the feeling of melting snowflakes on his face. With a dreamy sigh, he plopped his cat back onto the floor so he could get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWW WASNT THAT CUTE  
> so i've changed the tags and the summary a bit. I expect MAYBE three more chapters? We'll see but for now, it will remain undeceive. The conclusion is coming though.  
> Things will get sexy soon, I promise. Wink.


End file.
